Want the key to a more effective and successful workplace? It’s not a productivity hack or AI upgrade. Instead, the secret is a concept that’s simple to understand, but challenging to master: empathy.

According to research by Businessolver, 84% of CEOs believe empathy drives better business outcomes, and 72% of workers believe empathy influences employee motivation. Another survey found that 86% of workers said they’re more successful at balancing their work and life concerns when they have a leader focused on empathy.

The good news is that empathy is like a muscle that you can target, flex and hone. Erik Kellener, a former technology executive and current partner at Evolution, a coaching, culture and leadership development firm, explains the importance of empathy and how to cultivate it.

Q: How would you define empathy and why is it an important quality for leaders to have?
A: I consider empathy as the ability to connect to the emotion someone else is experiencing; it’s one of the key elements of emotional intelligence. When someone is empathetic toward us, we feel a sense of connection. More importantly, we don’t feel isolated and alone. It’s important that the receiver of empathy feels that connection.

“A common misconception in leadership is that empathy implies one’s ability to feel and experience the same emotion of another. This is affective empathy and not required for empathy in leadership. In fact, it can create ‘compassion fatigue’ for leaders.” Erik Kellener

A common misconception in leadership is that empathy implies one’s ability to feel and experience the same emotion of another. This is affective empathy and not required for empathy in leadership. In fact, it can create “compassion fatigue” for leaders. 

Conversely, leaders need to develop skills in cognitive empathy – the ability to identify and relate to others’ emotions. For example, an employee breaks down in a meeting and shares that they’re struggling in dealing with their father’s recent passing. It’s important for the leader to identify the employee’s feeling or emotion (e.g., grief). Additionally, the leader should lean into deeply listening to the employee’s experience and reflect back the emotion they observe. 

Affective empathy entails the leader stepping into and feeling the pain of grief alongside the employee. This isn’t needed; in most cases, the employee just wants to be assured the leader truly is listening and understanding them. Cognitive empathy from a leader is necessary for the employee to feel connected.

Q: Is empathy something innate, or can it be cultivated?
A: I see empathy as a skill to be developed and honed. Building the empathy muscle starts with cognitive empathy or practicing perspective-taking. This can include trying to recognize and imagine what emotions another individual may be experiencing, and it’s where a leader’s core empathy listening skills develop. With practice, it can provide a good foundation to build upon. 

84%
of CEOs believe empathy drives better business outcomes.

(Businessolver)

While practicing perspective-taking, simply observe, build awareness and stay curious. For example, if someone is sad, try not to guess why or how their sadness may be perceived by others. 

Lastly, practice with an active conversation by reflecting back your observations: “I noticed as soon as the announcement came in, you crossed your arms and shook your head. Seems like you’re upset. Am I reading this right? Can you tell me why you’re upset?”

Q: How can mindfulness practices help you develop your leadership skills?
A: Mindfulness is a powerful tool to grow leadership skills. It not only helps to develop cognitive empathy, but it also sharpens a leader’s ability to sense their own emotions – another important part of emotional intelligence. 

With the awareness of your own emotions comes the opportunity to self-regulate your reactions. Successful leaders have mastered the ability to regulate their own emotions, which is critical in heated discussions or other scenarios a leader may encounter. Mindfulness helps the leader maintain focus.

Q: Can you explain the concept of nonviolent communication and how it can help with leadership?
A: One common communication framework I think of with empathy is Marshall B. Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication (NVC). As with empathy, NVC is rooted in connection, but expands to turn the lens inward. Instead of simply being empathetic toward others, NVC examines empathy within oneself. Being able to sense, identify and express one’s own emotions is a key pillar of this communication model.  

Leaders can use the model to communicate feedback in a way that tends not to provoke reactive responses. There are four key elements of NVC:

1. Observations: what you’re noticing
2. Feelings: emotions and senses you’re experiencing as a result of the observations
3. Needs: the unmet need you have that’s creating the feeling 
4. Request: the ask from another person who takes action to fill that unmet need 

Typical feedback might be given as follows: “Hey Bart, your project is late again. What’s going on? You can’t be trusted. You need to fix this.” 

The NVC approach sounds more like this:

1. Observations: I noticed the project was due last week and hasn’t launched yet.
2. Feelings: This is frustrating to me.
3. Needs: I’m feeling like I can no longer trust your commitments.
4. Request: For this project, and future ones, please provide me daily updates, along with a risk-assessment.

Q: Can you give some examples of empathetic leadership in action?
A: I recently coached an executive who was working on a division reorganization. During the announcement session, she noticed some harsh reactions from her team. Some were argumentative; others asked a barrage of questions. She was taken aback and sensed the team really didn’t feel heard. 

At the end of the announcement session, she named the emotions she saw in the group in addition to her own reactions. Additionally, she canceled the rest of her commitments for that day and spent the remainder deeply listening to and acknowledging the team’s questions and concerns, one after another, until they all were heard. While she didn’t make significant reorganization pivots, a team survey later highlighted how much they valued her recognition of their dissent and of her digging deeper to understand their concerns.  

Another example is virtual meetings, where traditional signals of empathy can lose fidelity. Body language, tone and expressions can be dulled in lower-resolution. Further, each participant may be in a different physical environment.

One way to counterbalance this is to spend a small amount of time at the beginning of the meeting gathering signals through a check-in. Check-ins offer a chance for everyone to have their voice heard and can be accomplished by taking turns and responding to different prompts. For example, “Something I’m noticing about myself is ….”  If the leader goes first and models an example around vulnerability, this opens the group to reveal more about their current state.

Here are some key takeaways for leaders:
• In today’s business climate, successful leaders must successfully demonstrate empathy.
• Empathy is a skill that can be built over time and is a core ingredient to emotional intelligence.
• Leaders who practice mindfulness have a head start on developing empathy and resilience skills.
• Leaders with empathy skills can leverage communication models like NVC to have effective and healthy conversations with their colleagues.